CiCi Van Tine and Andrea Dunbar will be leading a free webinar, "Co-Parenting During the Holidays" on November 17, 2020 from 12:00 noon to 12:45 p.m. ET. The webinar is part of an ongoing series sponsored by Burns & Levinson’s Divorce Law Monitor blog.

Q. What are the three biggest challenges that not-yet-divorced parents face during the holidays?

Van Tine: One of the biggest challenges is navigating the division of the holidays when there is no precedent. Another one is dealing with a spouse who will not compromise. Lastly, it’s really hard to manage your children’s feelings about being away from one, and then the other, parent while you are also missing your children and the traditions that you are used to doing as a family.

Q.Is there a typical holiday parenting plan and what does it look like?

Dunbar: Holiday parenting plans are very specific to a family’s particular observances and traditions. It is often the case that there is some type of alternating of holidays year to year, but I would not say that there is any typical holiday parenting plan.

Q. What happens when parents, who don’t yet have a divorce agreement in place, can’t agree on holiday plans?

Van Tine: If parents cannot agree, then they have to seek the assistance of a neutral, like a mediator, and if there is no time for that, or if the other spouse will not agree, no matter what, then they will need to file a motion and ask the court to decide. This is not ideal because of cost, timing and the fact that neither party may be happy with the outcome a complete stranger may decide.

Q. With so many courts closed down, or slowed down, due to the COVID crisis, are the courts even an option now for resolution of holiday time disputes?

Dunbar: The courts are an option, but really should be a last resort. It can take many weeks (and frequently months) to be heard by the court, creating a potential of not being heard before the actual holiday(s) in dispute. If you are just realizing now that a trip to court might be needed, it’s likely too late, unless the court agrees to hear your matter as an emergency. Timely resolving holiday parenting time disputes in court is a process that should begin much earlier in the year.

Q. How is the pandemic impacting already divorced couples who want to renegotiate holiday agreements in light of new risks and concerns over another parent’s holiday plans?

Van Tine: The pandemic has been used as a “tool” by some divorced parents to renegotiate their parenting agreements, and the court is mindful of that now. There are now orders from the Chief of the Probate & Family Court that attempt to prevent people from manipulating the pandemic for their own ends. While all families have to modify their holiday plans because of the pandemic, divorcing or divorced families have added layers of difficulty. Parents should try to get on the same page as to what that will look like (limiting out of state guests, etc.) or they will need to seek the court’s help.

Q. What can a divorced or divorcing parent do if they are worried about the other parent’s substance abuse issues, which can accelerate over the holidays?

Dunbar: If there are concerns about substance abuse and a parent’s ability to care for the children at anytime, an attorney should be consulted and redress sought from the court.

Q. What are the most creative holiday parenting arrangements you’ve seen in your career?

Van Tine: Most people recognize that their children want access to both parents and both families during the holidays. As such, common plans include: splitting the important day, Christmas as an example, with one parent getting the morning and the other afternoon. The schedule will alternate every other year, with dad getting even years in the morning and mom in the odd years. The overarching theme is compromise and alternating on the important days.

Dunbar: While not creative, I have seen very specific holiday parenting plans that are laid out by hours and days every year until the children turn 18. I’ve also seen holiday parenting plans where the parents agree to continue to celebrate together for the benefit of the children.

Q. Any last tips for divorced or divorcing parents who are navigating this wonderful and stressful time of the year?

Van Tine: Don’t panic and don’t try for perfection. Especially in the early days of separation and divorce, there will be a lot of trial and error. If things aren’t working, you can always modify and fix them. At the same time, do not view the holidays as some sort of prize to compete for. Your children are better off with two parents who can communicate and compromise than they are with an extra 60 minutes at one house or the other.

Dunbar: It is easy to get caught up in the stress of the holidays, which is only compounded by the stress of a divorce. Try to remain focused on your children, and what is in their best interests, and if you can, be flexible for their sake.

Carolyn “CiCi” Van Tine and Andrea Dunbar are partners in the Private Client Group at the law firm of Burns & Levinson in Boston. Van Tine focuses her practice on all aspects of matrimonial law. Dunbar concentrates her practice on probate and family court litigation in Massachusetts and Rhode Island. Both attorneys have many years of experience handling high net worth divorce and high conflict custody/parenting disputes. They can be reached at cvantine@burnslev.com or adunbar@burnslev.com.